Funny Paramedic Jokes

I warn you… Paramedics often use black humour to relax… most Paramedics genuinely want to help people and do not like to see people get hurt… sometimes this sort of humour is just a way of letting go, or settling after a very bad situation, or accident. Paramedics see bad things every day (okay, not every day, but often), and although they wear the uniform, they’re not Superman, they do sometimes go home and take things seriously…

1. What did the paramedic say to the the left sided stroke patient? “You’re going to be alright…”

2. When I turn these lights and sirens on its my ‘invisibility cloak’ that makes it impossible for cars to get out of my way.

3. Did you know that the optimum rate of chest compressions in CPR is to the beat of “Stayin Alive.”

4. How do you know a paramedic has entered the room… they will tell you… 

5. At 11pm you are called to a high speed roll over…  on arrival at the scene you find a brand new BMW rolled on it’s side and a man trapped underneith screeming “My car! My beautiful car!” “Do you think they can repair it?” The paramedic looks down… and sees the man is missing part of his arm… “Mate… don’t worry about your car right now… look at your arm… you’re missing part of your arm!” The man looks more pale and more concerned than before and screams “My rollex, my rollex… I’ve lost my rollex!”

6. What’s the difference between God and an Intensive Care Paramedic? God doesn’t have delusions that he’s an Intensive Care Paramedic.

7. A doctor reaches for his pen and pulls out a thermomete instead… The doctor scratches his head and says “Hmm… I wonder which arse-hole has my pen?”

More to come…

Australian Paramedic