Lawyer Jokes

These are some of the better lawyer jokes I’ve found in my time… I know they’re not exactly related to paramedics, but any paramedic who has been to coroner’s court or been sued by a patient will appreciate these lawyer jokes.

1. An honest lawyer, a tooth fairy, and a dishonest lawyer ate an expensive restaurant that cost about $500. When they all got up to leave, the billing money was gone. Who took the money? – Since there is no such thing as a tooth fairy, that only leaves one real person at the table…

2. Three brothers were at their father’s funeral. One was a drunk, the other was in big debt trouble and the third was a lawyer. Upon their father’s death, they were given a last living will contract by the lawyers that indicated their father’s last wishes to take donate all of his money to the three children, except $50,000 which he wished to be burried with, so that he would not be so poor in heaven. After the ceromony and as the three brothers went home and drank to their late father, the drunk owned up that  he had taken $5000 of the burried money! Everyone was aghast, but then the indebted child owned up that he had taken $10,000 to pay off the last of his visa bill. At this point the Lawyer son interrupted and said “You too are dispicable… I can’t believe you did this! Our poor father… I took $35,000 out of the coffin and replaced it with a cheque for the full $50,000!”

3. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a hooker? – One stops screwing you once you’re dead.

4. What do you have when you have 100 lawyers burried up to their necks in a lot of sand? – just not enough sand.

5. Why do drug research companies use lawyers instead of rats?

– Some people like rats

– The researchers find they don’t get attatched to lawyers

– Lawyers will do a lot of things that rats aren’t willing to do

–  Few people will get involved if animal rights groups start to complain about lawyers being treated inhumanely

– Its a cheap way of getting rid of all the lawyers

– Lawyers breed faster

-Lawyers are much harder to kill

6. Why do they burry lawyers 20 feet down, instead of the recommended 6 feet? – Because, deep, deep, down, lawyers really are good guys…